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theresa_ramseyerThis scene was inspired by the WriYe prompt “With our own eyes we see," on 1/3/16. It's a bit dark, in my opinion, and is from an Equalizer fanfic idea that I'm not sure I'm going to keep exploring. Only the "It" is mine, character wise.
My brain is dead on grammar at the moment. Is the third sentence in the first paragraph written correctly? I've been arguing with myself if the "I" in each it's should really be capitalized. Shows possessiveness, as if saying Robert's gun, so I am leaning towards good. Doesn't look right though.
I don't really have a beta. I am always looking to improve!
Thanks,
Theresa
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Deep underground, the thick, clear protective walls slammed shut around inside of the almost empty hospital room. The body that had been Control's wife rose from the floor, looked around, and then slammed repeatedly against them, searching for a way out. It bared It's teeth and rolled It's eyes as It clawed at the smooth surface.
On the outside, Robert jumped back in reflex, though the other man stayed in place, observing with an almost disinterested air. He turned, then walked back to the console, behind the nurses' station, and flicked a switch.
Unearthly howls filled the air, alternating with panting and thuds as the thing beat against the glass. Robert covered his ears, still staring in mortified fascination at what had been his best friend's wife and his own good friend for many years.
Seeing his movement, It stopped and focused on him. The mouth closed. It swallowed twice. It licked it's lips, and then stretched them impossibly thin in a raw parody of the smile Robert had seen a thousand times. No howl, but a strong, sibilant hiss filled the air. The sound dropped into a growl, then rose again, as if the thing was playing with the body, learning it's limitations.
Robert dropped his hands.
It nodded.
"With our own eyes we see," It forced out. "Who do you see?" It began laughing hysterically.
"Nothing." answered the man behind the counter. He switched off the sound, then flicked another switch, and a heavy soundproof curtain drew slowly over the windows.
"Dear God." Robert said.
"Do you understand why my brother must never get even the idea that his wife's body is alive?"
"She has a name!"
"No. It doesn't. Teri is dead, McCall. That's not her, and never will be again."
They stared at each other for a long time. Finally Robert turned away and left, his shoulders slumped as he accepted the burden of making sure Control never found what he'd watched that evening.
My brain is dead on grammar at the moment. Is the third sentence in the first paragraph written correctly? I've been arguing with myself if the "I" in each it's should really be capitalized. Shows possessiveness, as if saying Robert's gun, so I am leaning towards good. Doesn't look right though.
I don't really have a beta. I am always looking to improve!
Thanks,
Theresa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deep underground, the thick, clear protective walls slammed shut around inside of the almost empty hospital room. The body that had been Control's wife rose from the floor, looked around, and then slammed repeatedly against them, searching for a way out. It bared It's teeth and rolled It's eyes as It clawed at the smooth surface.
On the outside, Robert jumped back in reflex, though the other man stayed in place, observing with an almost disinterested air. He turned, then walked back to the console, behind the nurses' station, and flicked a switch.
Unearthly howls filled the air, alternating with panting and thuds as the thing beat against the glass. Robert covered his ears, still staring in mortified fascination at what had been his best friend's wife and his own good friend for many years.
Seeing his movement, It stopped and focused on him. The mouth closed. It swallowed twice. It licked it's lips, and then stretched them impossibly thin in a raw parody of the smile Robert had seen a thousand times. No howl, but a strong, sibilant hiss filled the air. The sound dropped into a growl, then rose again, as if the thing was playing with the body, learning it's limitations.
Robert dropped his hands.
It nodded.
"With our own eyes we see," It forced out. "Who do you see?" It began laughing hysterically.
"Nothing." answered the man behind the counter. He switched off the sound, then flicked another switch, and a heavy soundproof curtain drew slowly over the windows.
"Dear God." Robert said.
"Do you understand why my brother must never get even the idea that his wife's body is alive?"
"She has a name!"
"No. It doesn't. Teri is dead, McCall. That's not her, and never will be again."
They stared at each other for a long time. Finally Robert turned away and left, his shoulders slumped as he accepted the burden of making sure Control never found what he'd watched that evening.
